you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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