Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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