Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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