How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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