Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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