Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
