everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
