Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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