There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
