I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
