my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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