If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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