**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pants 0. Shit 1.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
