sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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