I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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