Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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