so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
