I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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