It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
