He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
