Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
