I can tuck mytits in my pants
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
