fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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