I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
