By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
