My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
