The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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