I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
