I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
