What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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