Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
