How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
