Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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