We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
