I just saw a hot homeless man
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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