Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
