Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What did we do last night that was yellow?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
