And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
