You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
