mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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