How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
