Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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