names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
