i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
