You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
