This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
