And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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