Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
