I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
