so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
