i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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